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Resources for Killing Pornography Addiction

10/29/2014

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Ready to get serious about battling the pornography addiction? Know someone that is need of help? Here is a place to get started. If a disclaimer even needs to be made, here it is: use of these resources doesn't guarantee freedom. And if you think this post is a way to deal with your sin while keeping it quiet - doing it on your own so nobody else knows - you need to bring it to the light. There's a reason we are not to walk the Christian life alone. Slaying sin is part of that reason: it happens better in community with fellow believers than in dark isolation. That said...

Killing pornography addiction requires a 2 front attack: spiritual and practical.

First, is the spiritual. Until you are fully convinced of the reality that in Jesus Christ alone is fullness of joy and satisfaction, then you will seek joy and satisfaction somewhere else: food, sports, sex, power, popularity, clothing, pornography, fitness, alcohol, etc. And so to kill the craving for pornography (or any other addiction), you must find your fullness in Christ. Daily you need to read and study your Bible where Jesus Christ is revealed and magnified. You need to be listening to the Word of God faithfully preached each Lord's Day. You need the truth of God's word masterfully applied to your soul. You need to be on your face before God, seeking forgiveness, grace, contentment, strength, and humility. 

Second, the practical. Days, weeks, months, years of looking at porn are not stopped with a sudden new found conviction to exercise self-control. Old habits die hard and this is more than just a bad habit. It is slavery. And so there will need to be practical boundaries and fences, cutting off hands and plucking out eyes.

The resources below address both fronts in the war.

Books (Understand that reading them is not enough; you must read with a commitment before God and man and reliance upon God to act on the truth that you find here.)
  • Finally Free by Heath Lambert
  • Sexual Detox by Tim Challies

Websites
  • OpenDNS - a free network level filter. For devices connected to the network, Open DNS blocks access to websites from up to 50 categories of potentially inappropriate material. This does not filter devices when they are accessing the internet with a data plan or on another network. So it will protect your child on his ipod at home on your network but not at his friend's house on their network.
  • Covenant Eyes - accountability software that records and rates websites visited. An individual with this program on their computer (or tablet or cell phone) has a record of their internet activity sent to an accountability partner. Simply knowing that someone else will know about your online browsing is a powerful deterrent. Covenant Eyes also has filtering software that operates at the device level, not the network level (like OpenDNS). See David Murray's plug for this product (especially helpful are his 10 reasons porn is so bad).
  • Setting Captives Free - a 60 day program that helps users to feast on God's Word and starve the desire for pornography; 60 lessons where you read and answer questions. Your answers are sent to a mentor assigned by SCF and to an accountability partner of your choice.

Articles
  • Tim Challies has written often and well on the subject. Here's a sampling of his posts. 
  • Here's one for a wife suffering because of her husband's porn addiction.

Helping your children
  • What Every Man Wishes His Father Had Told Him by Byron Yawn - A must read on parenting; the 2 chapters on sex and pornography are worth the price of the book.
  • A detailed plan for protecting your family.
  • Some of my thoughts after reading Yawn's book.
  • Here's another post of mine on who's educating our children about sex.
  • See the websites linked above as well for filtering, monitoring, etc.


A few thoughts on using these resources - 
  1. Don't use them with anything less than serious, dedicated commitment to the fight. Otherwise it will end in defeat. If you're going to cut off hands, cut 'em off. If you're going to build a fence, it has to be an unscalable one. Don't install a filter, write your random password on a piece of paper and tuck it in your desk drawer. Too easy to just get it out of the drawer. Don't set up Covenant Eyes on your laptop, but not your tablet and fail to tell the accountability partner that you only have it on one of your internet accessible devices. Don't lie to the hard questions on Setting Captives Free - (have you been free from pornography since the last lesson?; have you been free from self-gratification?, etc.). That won't help you. Go all out. Jesus is worth it.
  2. Don't put up fences without doing the heart work of feeding on the wonderful truth of Jesus. Don't do the practical without the spiritual.
  3. Don't use any of these resources without prayer and complete dependence upon the God of all power. 
  4. Don't use these resources alone. Some resources require an accountability partner; others don't. But if you're enslaved, you need someone to help you up and out of the mud and mire. Make sure your accountability has teeth and isn't just a mutual confession of sin club. (Heath Lambert's thoughts on real accountability are summed up here by Tim Challies - very helpful.)
  5. By God's grace and in his strength, go and sin no more! There is hope and freedom on the other side of despair and bondage. It can only be found through Jesus Christ.
Be killing sin or it will be killing you. 
-John Owen
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Sunday's Comin' 10/25/2014

10/25/2014

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A quote from Joseph Pipa in his book, The Lord's Day.
Jesus, the Lord of the Sabbath, scraped all of the ugly paint off this beautiful day. He pulled down the fence, not so you and I may do whatever we please, but to free us that we way enjoy the day and pursue its purposes - the worship of God, fellowship with Him and His people, and doing good to our neighbour. (p. 93)

Corporate worshipped is designed to give you the peace and rest of heart that is only found in remembering the person and work of Jesus,

— Paul David Tripp (@PaulTripp) October 5, 2014
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Friday Fragments 10//24/2014

10/24/2014

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Happy to be in Louisville, KY for the weekend. Hope your weekend is good too!
  • I read Psalm 124 this week. It is both humbling and confidence inspiring. You should read it too (it's short), but the gist of it is that if it were not for the Lord, we wouldn't make it. That's humbling because it acknowledges our weakness and inability. But is confidence building because the Lord is with us. 124:8 "Our help is in the name of the LORD, who made heaven and earth."
  • Is adoption ordinary or extraordinary? Yes. Read about my new nieces and you'll see why.
  • Kindle Deal - At GBC last week we considered the role of church members. Fittingly, What is a Healthy Church Member by Thabiti Anyabwile is available for just $.99. You can also get Nine Marks of a Health Church by Mark Dever for $1.99. Going Public is a great read for Christians who choose public school for their kids; $2.99. 

Your battle may not end today, and neither will God's sustaining grace.

— Burk Parsons (@BurkParsons) October 23, 2014
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Sunday's Comin' 10/18/2014

10/18/2014

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Here's a hymn by Isaac Watts about the Lord's Day (Trinity Hymnal #326). God's blessings to you as you worship tomorrow with his people in his house on his day. 
This is the day the Lord hath made;
He calls the hours His own;
Let heav’n rejoice, let earth be glad,
And praise surround the throne.

Today He rose and left the dead,
And Satan’s empire fell;
Today the saints his triumphs spread,
And all his wonders tell.

Hosanna to th’anointed King,
To David’s holy Son!
Help us, O Lord; descend and bring
Salvation from the throne.

Blest be the Lord, who comes to men
With messages of grace;
Who comes in God his Father’s Name,
To save our sinful race.

Hosanna in the highest strains
The Church on earth can raise!
The highest heav’ns, in which he reigns
Shall give him nobler praise.

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Friday Fragments 10/17/2014

10/17/2014

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For your reading pleasure:
  • Some good reasons to study doctrine. "You cannot know God and be arrogant."
  • My take on a good book about seeing Jesus in the OT.
  • Tim Challies is doing a series of posts on productivity. Helpful stuff. (The links that begin with "How To Get Things Done" are part of this series. Other links on this page are previous posts he's done related to the subject, but not part of the series.)
  • Kindle Deals - We've been studying the subject of elders and deacons at GBC; here's a helpful little book on the topic: Finding Faithful Elders and Deacons by Thabiti Anyabwile, $.99 on Kindle. You can get When Sinners Say "I Do" for $1.99; this book is required reading if you do pre-marriage counseling with me. (It will help you if you're already married too!)

We're so arrogant to think we can judge the motives of others' hearts when we can't even fully understand our own motives at times.

— Burk Parsons (@BurkParsons) October 15, 2014
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Everybody Freak out! Or Maybe Not.

10/15/2014

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Ebola, ISIS, Houston pastors' sermons being subpoenaed (wow! I spelled that right without spellchecker), ongoing moral meltdown of society, intolerant tolerance, mid-term elections with control of congress at stake, scaled-back religious freedom, etc. (Sorry if I missed your favorite crisis du jour.) What's a Christian to do?

1. Be informed, not panicked. Don't stick your head in the sand; being informed is wise. If you had known the storm was coming you could have gotten to the basement in time. Being panicked and inducing panic in others, however, is foolish. Running around like chickens with heads cut off and screaming about it does no good when the storm is coming. It doesn't even get you to the basement. 

2. Get up, pray, go to work, go to class, love your wife, raise your children, go to church, worship, fellowship, be a friend that sticks closer than a brother, walk closely with your God. He has given you various callings - Christian, husband, wife, parent, student, etc. Fulfill your callings with all your strength for the glory of God. 
1 Thessalonians 4:9-12 "Now concerning brotherly love you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another, for that indeed is what you are doing to all the brothers throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, brothers, to do this more and more, and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one." 
See also 2 Thes.3:11-12 and 1 Timothy 2:1-4.

3. Remember Psalm 2 and Romans 8:28 and 8:29-30 and 8:31-32 and 8:35-39 and the entire book of Revelation and lots of other passages and don't be afraid. This will help immensely with #1.

4. Pastors and churches, let's equip our people to do #s 1-3. And we must not forget 2 Timothy 4:1-5. We must proclaim sin as sinful, God as sovereign, Jesus as Savior and Christ, salvation as free to all who truly repent and believe, and saints as ultimately victorious through Christ the risen and reigning Savior.

Is there bad news in the news? Sure. There has been since Adam and Eve decided they knew better than God. But is there also good news? Absolutely. There has been from all eternity when God determined to save his people. That news is as good today as it was when God first promised it to Adam in Genesis 3:15. And so the most frequent command in all of Scripture comes to us: fear not.
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Jesus On Every Page

10/14/2014

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It's only October, but I'm pretty sure I've already read my book of the year. For the last couple of years I've posted a list of some of my favorite reads over the year. (Here's last year's.) Jesus on Every Page will be in the 2014 edition, but it deserves it's own post.

Every now and then you pick up a book that just clicks, that makes sense, that's like a breath of fresh air. It takes the thoughts you have rolling around your brain from years of church, conversations, blog reading, books, seminary classes, and puts them together so plainly, clearly, and simply that you can't hold back the joy as you read. Jesus on Every Page is that book for me when it comes to seeing our Savior in the pages of the Old Testament.

If you've ever looked around his blog, Head Heart Hand, you know that David Murray sees the world in lists of 10 (and occasionally some other numbers), and that tendency serves him well in this book. He gives the reader 10 "ways of discovering and enjoying Jesus in the Old Testament" (p. 1). 

Why is he so eager to see Jesus in the OT? Well, because the New Testament (specifically Jesus, Peter, Paul, and John) tells us He's there. In Luke 24, we read about the risen Jesus walking the road to Emmaus with 2 of his followers who don't recognize him. What did Jesus do for those discouraged men? "And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself." (Luke 24:27 ESV) Jesus used Moses and the Prophets to teach those men about himself! Their response? "They said to each other, 'Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?'" (Luke 24:32 ESV). 

Professor Murray takes us on his own Road to Emmaus as over the course of his life God has opened his eyes to see Christ in creation, the prophets, the Psalms, the Proverbs, and much more. As we walk with him down that road he aims to give us "spiritual heartburn" like those 2 followers whose hearts burned within them. It works, but you won't need any Tums or Rolaids for this. You will, however, walk away ready to worship. 

If you've never been able to read the OT with much benefit before; if you know that Christ is in the OT, but aren't sure how to find him there; if you want your heart warmed; read this book. It is not a perfect book, but it is a beautiful book that will help you better understand the truth of God's Word and see Jesus on every page.
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Sunday'S Comin' 10/11/2014

10/11/2014

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We've seen some of Matthew Henry's prayers. Now, courtesy of J.I. Packer's article, "The Puritans and the Lord's Day" from Puritan Papers, Vol. 1., here is a quote from Henry on the Lord's Day.
"The Sabbath," wrote Matthew Henry, "is a sacred and divine institution, but we must receive and embrace it as a privilege and a benefit, not a task and a drudger [sic]. First ,God never designed it to be an imposition upon us, and therefore we must not make it so to ourselves...Secondly, God did design it to be an advantage to us, and so we must make and improve it...He had some regard to our bodies in the institution, that they might rest...He had much more regard for our souls. The Sabbath was made a day of rest, only in order to its being a day of holy work, a day of communion with God, a day of praise and thanksgiving, and the rest from worldly business is therefore necessary, that we may closely apply ourselves to this work, and spend the whole time in it, in public and private...See here what a good master we serve all whose institutions are for our own benefit..." (On Mark 2:27).

Corporate worshipped is designed to give you the peace and rest of heart that is only found in remembering the person and work of Jesus,

— Paul David Tripp (@PaulTripp) October 5, 2014
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Sunday's Comin' 10/4/2014

10/4/2014

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A hymn of James Montgomery, 1812 is an appropriate prayer as we come to worship. (You can find this in the Trinity Hymnal, #313. If the tune isn't familiar it will work with the tune to Take my life and let it be.)
To thy temple I repair;
Lord, I love to worship there,
When within the veil I meet
Christ before the mercy-seat.

While thy glorious praise is sung, 
Touch my lips, unloose my tongue,
That my joyful soul may bless
Thee, the Lord my Righteousness.

While the prayers of saints ascend,
God of love, to mine attend;
Hear me, for thy Spirit pleads;
Hear, for Jesus intercedes.

While I hearken to thy law,
Fill my soul with humble awe,
Till thy gospel bring to me
Life and immortality.

While thy ministers proclaim
Peace and pardon in thy Name,
Through their voice, by faith, may I
Hear thee speaking from the sky.

From thy house when I return,
May my heart within me burn,
And at evening let me say,
"I have walked with God today."
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Friday Fragments 10/3/2014

10/3/2014

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Happy Friday...hope it's a great one.
  • Prov. 24:19-20 "Fret not yourself because of evildoers, and be not envious of the wicked, for the evil man has no future; the lamp of the wicked will be put out." Contemplating the future fate the the wicked challenges us in 2 ways. 1. We don't need to be afraid of them; their doom is sure. 2. We would be foolish to envy someone whose future is so dismal.
  • We're studying elders and deacons in the preaching at GBC these days. Here is a nicely categorized summary of 1 Timothy 3:1-7 (qualifications of elders) from David Murray. I plan to preach on this Sunday; maybe I should borrow his outline.
  • Here's a little gem from William Hendriksen on parenting (commenting on the qualification of an overseer/elder managing his household, raising his children well.) "...that the father's firmness makes it advisable for a child to obey, that his wisdom makes it natural for a child to obey, and that his love makes it a pleasure to obey."
  • Some thoughts of mine on an adoption I recently witnessed.
  • Kindle Deals - Kevin DeYoung's helpful book on scripture, Taking God at His Word, is just $.99. Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp is a helpful work on, well, relationships and it's free! The Art of Neighboring is $1.99 - This is a great book on loving your neighbor, literally. The ones who live next door to you. It's worth all 199 pennies it will cost you.

We too often presuppose tomorrow's troubles and sorrows yet rarely pray for tomorrow's joys.

— Burk Parsons (@BurkParsons) September 30, 2014
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